Girl's Best Friend: NEW IN TOWN

Lie to her if you have to. Tell her you like her hair, her ass doesn't look fat in those jeans, her mother is aces, you're so excited about planning the wedding, yes, you prefer conversation to texting, no, her coworkers aren't as hot as her and you actually did get rid of your Playstation/porn collection/penchant for farting in public and/or laughing at old people. She will put on blinders and believe you, because she wants to. But after all that lying to save your ass, you better be ready to put in some time doing what she wants. How much time, you ask? At least 90 minutes per week. In preparation for all your little white lies, here is the weekly, one-stop guide to your girl’s best friend (and the inner girl in you).

We're finally about the exit January, the romantic movie vacuum! With a swift goodbye to the chill of Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, we get face-slapped with an influx of Valentine's Day box office fodder. For the next month, you better just put aside a movie allowance--because Renee Zellweger is back.

NEW IN TOWN
Why she might want to see it: Remember what I just said about January?

Why you might not: Remember what I just said about February?

The silver lining: You don't have to lie when you say you know the plot: Woman who is--wait for it--new in town, falls for someone who's gonna "show her the ropes." How ironic that she has to go to Minnesota in the winter to warm her frigid heart!!

Tips for the untrained:
- This film co-stars Harry Connick Jr., who was nominated (didn't win) for a Blockbuster Entertainment Award in 1999. True story, real award. But don't make jokes about the leading man in front of your leading lady--whether she finds him handsome or not, there is something alluring about a mid-west gentleman.
- Written by the same guy who wrote Sweet Home Alabama (C.Jay Cox), New in Town should offer the same caricatures of small-town life that made that movie memorable. If you're from Minnesota, start comparing what's true and false. If you're not from Minnesota, start making blanket presumptions about everyone from there. We may be in a so-called post-racial America, but social stereotypes are still A-OK, thank goodness.
- But cold weather isn't all bad--it gives you a reason to snuggle, a reason to stay indoors...and potential for another GBF-inspired theme night! So ya like Minnesota? Juno, Fargo and Miracle: That Hockey Movie all take place in that adorable little state. Start with Renee if you have to, but get thee to Blockbuster or Netflicks and make the most out of the weekend.

Honestly, I can barely think about this movie, because I just saw the trailer to The Propsal, which doesn't open until June and which actually looks hilarious. That's right--a good rom-com! Weird! But since The Propsal is not yet here but love is (trying to be) in the air, should your chica wish for some cinematic stimulation other than Harry Connick Jr. and/or your porn collection, you do have a few options.

Taken with Liam Neeson looks heisty and kind of exciting, should a quickening of the pulse be her speed; and if you LOVED middle school and awkward high school moments, check out Frenchie fest favorite, The Class (Entre les murs) which opens in limited release this week and will put any education you thought you suffered through to shame. All else fails...there is always Skinemax.

ENTRE LES MURS ("The Class")

I saw it a while back, this little French film, but failed to put it on record. My friend Hot Pocket recently joined the WGA and gets a couple perks like film screenings free of charge--cha-ching (that's the sound of my wallet smiling). And she knew this film, which won the 2008 Palme d'Or at Cannes, would be just the right one for me, Francophile Extraordinaire.

ENTRE LES MURS, literally "Between the Walls" (though the wide-release title is "The Class"), displays the relationship between a group of students in a low-performing high school and their teacher. It centralises on the lives they live "between the walls" of the classroom--and the elements of these lives that are only visible between the lines, to the hyper-observant, in the words unsaid. The film's message is universally relevant, because it shares a compendium of stories that play out daily in schools across France and the world. Education is in peril, this film seems to say--but so are the people who impart it.

In watching ENTRE LES MURS, you can't help but note how the educational system is simultaneously corrosive and constructive. No one is ever 100% right--not the students, not the teachers--and neither is the system itself, neither in design nor in implementation. Eventually, society pays for it. In one way, it frustrated me, because it makes that aspirational fight for educational equality seem so worthless. "These kids will never make it." Both the instructors in the movie and I at different moments thought it. And then I would feel guilty. You see, I mentor at a middle school in a dodgy part of Fire City...so shouldn't I think every kid has the potential to "make it"? And if I don't...am I a hypocrite?

M.Marin, our central character, played by the man who wrote the book upon which this film is based, seems to ponder the same. And I think watching him struggle to handle these bad students--and then watching him handle them badly--might make people take note that teaching, working in education and working with kids is all hard stuff. Whether they're in the dodgy end of town or much further up the street, who knows if they'll make it? It's a crap shoot. The class in this film, played so brilliantly by a host of non-actors (all the students in the film are actual students at the high school depicted--and in fact, the majority of parents played themselves, too), is a crap shoot, too. Are they acting in just one more long-winded, slice-of-life French film...or are they going to reverberate off the walls and slowly effect the world?

plot: Pubescent students are a handful.
thought: At least they can act.
in five: 3.5/5

learn a little (in french): http://www.entrelesmurs-lefilm.fr/site/

learn a little (en anglais): http://www.sonyclassics.com/theclass/

Oscar noms/I pee my pants

There are a few surprises, some unfortunate (the omission of THE DARK KNIGHT as a best picture nom, some fabulous (the inclusion of Robert Downey Jr in the best supporting actor category for TROPIC THUNDER), some whatever (most nominations to BEN BUTTON...further solidifying its status as the rich man's FORREST GUMP). Hence, I'm going to bate my breath before I make any predictions here. Also going to wait until after the SAGs on Sunday. I'm so conflicted! Something tells me at this rate, I might not be winning my own Oscar pool this year.


[The below is re-printed from E! Online Mobile]

Complete List of Nominations for 81st Academy Awards

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button leads all Academy Award nominees with 13 time-defying nominations. Slumdog Millionaire is next with 10, while The Dark Knight and Milk notched eight apiece. Meryl Streep, up Best Actress for Doubt, continues her reign as the most nominated performer in Academy history, with her 15th nod.

The awards will be handed out Feb. 22 at the Kodak Theater in Los Angeles. Here's the complete list of nominees:

Best Motion Picture of the Year
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- Frost/Nixon
- Milk
- The Reader
- Slumdog Millionaire

Achievement in Directing
- David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon
- Gus Van Sant, Milk
- Stephen Daldry, The Reader
- Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire

Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
- Richard Jenkins, The Visitor
- Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
- Sean Penn, Milk
- Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
- Josh Brolin, Milk
- Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder
- Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
- Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
- Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road

Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
- Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
- Angelina Jolie, Changeling
- Melissa Leo, Frozen River
- Kate Winslet, The Reader
- Meryl Streep, Doubt

Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
- Amy Adams, Doubt
- Penélope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
- Viola Davis, Doubt
- Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year
- Bolt
- Kung Fu Panda
- Wall-E

Original Screenplay
- Dustin Lance Black, Milk
- Courtney Hunt, Frozen River
- Mike Leigh, Happy Go Lucky
- Martin McDonagh, In Bruges
- Andrew Stanton and Jim Reardon, WALL-E

Adapted Screenplay
- Eric Roth and Robin Swicord, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- John Patrick Shanley, Doubt
- Peter Morgan, Frost/Nixon
- David Hare, The Reader
- Simon Beaufoy, Slumdog Millionaire

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year
- The Baader Meinhof Complex (Germany)
- The Class (France)
- Departures (Japan)
- Revanche (Austria)
- Waltz With Bashir (Israel)

Original Score
- Alexandre Desplat, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- James Newton Howard, Defiance
- Danny Elfman, Milk
- A.R. Rahman, Slumdog Millionaire
- Thomas Newman, WALL-E

Original Song
- "Down to Earth," Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman; WALL-E
- "Jai Ho," A. R. Rahman and Gulzar; Slumdog Millionaire
- "O Saya," A. R. Rahman and Maya Arulpragasam; Slumdog Millionaire

Achievement in Art Direction
- Changeling
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- The Dark Knight
- The Duchess
- Revolutionary Road

Achievement in Cinematography
- Changeling
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- The Dark Knight
- The Reader
- Slumdog Millionaire

Achievement in Costume Design
- Australia
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- The Duchess
- Milk
- Revolutionary Road

Best Documentary Feature
- The Betrayal (Nerakhoon)
- Encounters at the End of the World
- The Garden
- Man on Wire
- Trouble the Water

Best Documentary Short Subject
- The Conscience of Nhem En
- The Final Inch
- Smile Pinki
- The Witness--From the Balcony of Room 306

Achievement in Film Editing
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- The Dark Knight
- Frost/Nixon
- Milk
- Slumdog Millionaire

Achievement in Makeup
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- The Dark Knight
- Frost/Nixon
- Milk
- Slumdog Millionaire

Best Animated Short Film
- La Maison en Petits Cubes
- Lavatory--Lovestory
- Oktapodi
- Presto
- This Way Up

Best Live Action Short Film
- Auf der Strecke (On the Line)
- Manon on the Asphalt
- New Boy
- The Pig
- Spielzeugland (Toyland)

Achievement in Sound Editing
- The Dark Knight
- Iron Man
- Slumdog Millionaire
- WALL-E
- Wanted

Achievement in Sound Mixing
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- The Dark Knight
- Slumdog Millionaire
- WALL-E
- Wanted

Achievement in Visual Effects
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- The Dark Knight
- Iron Man

Girl's Best Friend: Worst Week Ever

They say 'sex sells.' Too bad "they" are too busy trying to sell in order to help you figure out how potentially get it. There are a few things that might increase your chances: (1) having a lovable, little dog with you while running on the beach; (2) owning a surfboard that is completely visible from your doorway despite that you live nowhere near a beach; (3) not talking about Grant Theft Auto for more than exactly three sentences. But if these things are all too hard, just try taking any average paramour with the desire to relax the brain and work other muscles out to the movie. For that endeavor, here is your weekly, one-stop guide to your girl’s best friend (and the inner girl in you).

Wait a second--where have all the chick flicks gone? This weekend's box office is nothing but fantasy, violence, and the awkward presence of mall cops as appropriate movie heroes. It looks like the girl's going to want to stay in this weekend. That could be nice...if you like dining with her parents, waiting on her friends, walking her dog or cleaning the house. You don't like these things. So what's the arm candy of a great girl with mediocre taste to do?

Get her to the movies.

If fantasy, violence or Vikings sound like options you can handle, here's how you might get her on board.

Your Options:
1. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
PLOT: Poor man's Lord of the Rings meets rich man's Twilight
THOUGHT: Probably some bad CGI, some cringing--but two hours of popcorn and vampires are still better than the girlfriend's friends.
ADVICE: Just call it 'Rise of the Lycans' when you talk about it. The 'Underworld colon' has trouble written all over it.
GET HER ON BOARD: Michael Sheen is in it! Yeah, that guy from Frost/Nixon. So who knows, it could be up for some awards. The title might be a reference to politics.

2. The Dark Knight [re-release]
PLOT: The caped crusader fights the richest criminal ever. Seriously, where did Joker get all those explosives?
THOUGHT: Um...best Batman movie ever?
ADVICE: Tell her it's the un-cut or un-rated version. Sure, it'll be exactly the same, but the damn thing is like three hours long. If she asks what scene got added, just mention 'that one in the middle when all those buses blew up.'
GET HER ON BOARD: Mention you're love for Heath Ledger and make it a theme night. You sit through A Knight's Tale with her, and she sits through the (un-cut, un-rated) Dark Knight with you. That is such an un-even trade, and it's in her favor, so how can she say no?

3. Inkheart
PLOT: Bridge to Terebithia meets The Spiderwick Chronicles meets Brendan Fraser sans mummies
THOUGHT: I don't know if you really want to see this?
ADVICE: If you do, the 'no mummies' is your selling point. Plus, if you missed those other two movies that are oddly similar to this one, you can kind of claim three birds, one stone.
GET HER ON BOARD: Doesn't she want to see some of Brendan's acting depth when mummies aren't around (but all the other stuff still is)?

4. Killshot
PLOT: A hitman movie with Mickey Rourke and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
THOUGHT: That sounds...pretty awesome.
ADVICE: It probably isn't awesome if it hasn't been marketed at all. But let's not say any of that.
GET HER ON BOARD: JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT. That should do the trick.

5. Outlander [limited]
PLOT: Vikings movie written by the same guy who wrote Underworld [colon] Rise of the Lycans...but this time, there are aliens.
THOUGHT: James Caviezel...you were in The Count of Monte Cristo...now you're in this.
GET HER ON BOARD: It's an historical love story (uh...but this time, there are aliens).

So, will you or won't you get to the movies this weekend? I'd like to hope you could complete this task--even if you don't really surf. Let me know how it goes.

Inauguration sensation, and How the internet failed us all

Did you catch the news? #44 has entered the door.

And frankly, I liked how Obama stumbled a bit over his oath (with the help of Justice "I didn't bring cliff notes to an open notes test" Roberts, that ninny). I found it kind of adorable. Here's the video:



Now, I had to work yesterday morning and wasn't able to enjoy the Oba-mimosas my friends were toasting in honor of Mr. B.Hussein Obama, America's first president of color and first president after the 8yr Bush growth (come on, he should be recognised for that as well--as dirty as it might sound). The man has got some serious shaving to do (zing!), but based on his inauguration speech, he plans to get a razor out quick.

At least, that's what I think he said. Sadly, I couldn't hear most of the speech. I tried to watch it online, probably like every other lackey with a day job, and despite the various portals provided to me by the fabulously patriotic ZDNet, I was separated from the scintillating experience by the shortcomings of clogged bandwidth on streaming video. Damn you, CNN! You are supposed to be the purveyor of all things political at a speed beyond that of your competitors, and yet CBS News bested you. CBS still wasn't great, but of the three to ten windows I had open at any given time to try and catch the latest rise of the Democratic election erection (that, might I add, the Left has been enjoying long past the Viagra-sanctioned "notify your doctor" time), the CBS window did what it could.

Luckily, for you on other coasts and in other cities who also didn't get to knock down the digital doors towards your very own Obama-show, his speech is available online here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/01/20/national/inauguration09/main4737816.shtml.

And here:

My fellow citizens:

I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world...that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it]."

America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Happy Inauguration Day, Mr. President!

--letop5

GBF: My Bloody Valentine 3D

GIRL’S BEST FRIEND
…Because sex should only cost eleven dollars.

Your girl is gold. Planning date night, however, can often be shit. But sometimes in life, you have to rifle through shit to get to gold--just ask Mickey Rourke. Luckily, there's one thing you know for sure: your girl likes movies. Need a hand in making post-dinner plans? Here is the weekly, one-stop guide to your girl’s best friend (and the inner girl in you).

It's not very often that a movie about pretty people getting hacked up on Valentine's Day gets noticed. (It's also not very often that that movie gets released mid-January--what's that about?) But when you're a producer for a film such as this, you know you're going to wear a shit-eating grin all the way to the bank. It's the movie everyone will pan yet, for some reason, everyone (and their girlfriend) will see. For the record--I won't be seeing it. But just in case romantic slashers aren't that unappealing to you...and you already saw Paul Blart: Mall Cop...here's a slasher with a twist.

My Bloody Valentine
Why she might want to see it: Pretty people getting hacked up! Proves 'pretty' can't buy you everything. Not even life. (Plus, that hot, half-gay guy from "Dawson's Creek" is in it!)

Why you might not: Lunch was great, not ready to lose it.

The silver lining: THREE-DIMENSIONAL KILLING SPREE! Yeah, it means blood in your face, but it also means snuggle time with the girl as you shield her (or she shields you) from the spray...and she shields herself from your lunch.

Tips for the untrained:
- The director of My Bloody Valentine, Patrick Lussier, has become a recent horror staple with films like The Eye and Red Eye (and rumor has it he's in talks to direct the cult classic, "Pink Eye," and its lesser known sequel, "Stink Eye"). If you and your date both like horror: Lussier Night? Grab some candles and blood-red wine, stat.
- If you're on the side of those who want to see this film (you could be), and you need to convince your lover to desire the same, perhaps a look at the hot, still-kind-of-young stars in it might help. Some other "nights" to consider: Kerr Smith Night ("Justice" was cancelled before its time!); Jaime King Night (she was in White Chicks!); and naturally, Jenson Ackles Night ("Supernatural" is still on the air?).
- Or better yet, how about a classic horror movie night? Start with an historic winner like Psycho and move forward in time from there. Finish your weekend with My Bloody Valentine, bemoan the death of Kerr Smith (is it wrong I foresee that happening?), and pocket some free 3D glasses along the way.

Unfortch, this weekend's BO has trouble written all over it--you're looking at Hotel for Dogs on one end and Paul Blart (do you know what "blart" means??) on the other. But remember that rental night is not overrated! On a theme of V-Day Cometh One Month Early, you could shirk the cinema seats--as I might strongly suggest this week--for some sofa time. Vicky Cristina Barcelona, the Woody Allen-directed chick anthem of the year and winner of Best Musical or Comedy at the Golden Globes, has recently surfaced on DVD. Put that sucker in the player and you're basically initiating two hours of foreplay between you, your girl and Penelope Cruz. Just don't get angry if Javier Bardem tries to get in there, too.

Permalink to The Rope: coming soon.

Golden Globes 2008: Winners

From Telegraph.co.uk--because apparently, the Brits type lists faster than Americans.

Based on predictions I posted earlier (which I entirely failed to update as I changed my mind after the DGAs and Critics Choice Awards rolled by), I fail at projecting wins. I got nine out of 25. Deplorable! See what I said I expected below as well.

Here is the complete list of winners at the 66th annual Golden Globes:

MOTION PICTURES:

—Picture, Drama: "Slumdog Millionaire." (I actually wanted "Slumdog," but I predicted "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button")

—Picture, Musical or Comedy: "Vicky Christina Barcelona." (Again, I wanted VCB, but I unscrupulously thought they'd go for box-office ball-buster, "Mamma Mia!")

—Actor, Drama: Mickey Rourke, "The Wrestler." (I was torn and never decided on this one)

—Kate Winslet, "Revolutionary Road." (I predicted Anne Hathaway for "Rachel Getting Married")

—Director: Danny Boyle, "Slumdog Millionaire." (I was torn on this one, too, between Boyle and Fincher for "Ben Button")

—Actor, Musical or Comedy: Colin Farrell, "In Bruges." (Never saw it! And I let my crush on Spidey's friend get the best of me.)

—Actress, Musical or Comedy: Sally Hawkins, "Happy-Go-Lucky." (I was torn in all the wrong directions!)

—Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger, "The Dark Knight." (Is this the only guess I got right?)

—Supporting Actress: Kate Winslet, "The Reader." (I guessed Penelope Cruz....)

—Foreign Language Film: "Waltz With Bashir." (One that I definitely meant to change, but I guessed "Gomorrah")

—Animated Film: "Wall-E." (Oh look, I got two right.)

—Screenplay: Simon Beaufoy, "Slumdog Millionaire." (Hooray, got this one, too.)

—Original Score: A.R. Rahman, "Slumdog Millionaire." (I never updated this one; back in December, I was completely clueless.)

—Original Song: "The Wrestler" (performed by Bruce Springsteen, written by Bruce Springsteen), "The Wrestler." Same here.

TELEVISION:

—Series, Drama: "Mad Men." Why did I guess "Dexter"?

—Actor, Drama: Gabriel Byrne, "In Treatment." I'm all over the place. I said Hugh Laurie.

—Actress, Drama: Anna Paquin, "True Blood." Sally Field? Fool!

—Series, Musical or Comedy: "30 Rock." Got this one.

—Actor, Musical or Comedy: Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock." I said Steve Carell, even though I don't watch that show. Hmm.

—Actress, Musical or Comedy: Tina Fey, "30 Rock." Sincerely meant to change this one. I did not think Debra Messing would win about five minutes after I posted that misguided prediction.

—Miniseries or Movie: "John Adams." Got it!

—Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Laura Linney, "John Adams." I figured "John Adams" would sweep.

—Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Paul Giammatti, "John Adams." (Once again)

—Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Laura Dern, "Recount." (So I do know a wee bit about TV, it seems.)

—Supporting Actor, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Tom Wilkinson, "John Adams." (End scene.)

Cecil B. DeMille Award: Steven Spielberg.

Okay, there you have it. Next stop: SAGs.