Girl's Best Friend: 'I Love You, Man' versus 'Duplicity'

**This article also appears on RopeofSilicon.com.**

There's something about March. When it comes to taking out that special ladybird, there are usually just as many girlie movies that get released in March as during the month of love. But it's sunnier outside, a little bit warmer. And you don't have to buy a diamond necklace to compliment those ticket stubs. I'd guess men with better halves dig this month more than February. So if you're planning on a date at the cinema to celebrate the other month of love, let this be your one-stop guide to choosing the right chick flick: your girl’s best friend (and your guilty pleasure).

This week, we've got a special serving of cinematic romance. First course is the Julia Roberts-Clive Owen starrer, Duplicity, which unites the two familiar hotties for the first time since 2004's Closer, a much darker character study that involved the awkward line, "He tasted like you but sweeter." In Duplicity, the two are con artists in cahoots to scam big who instead end up gaming each other, simply for the sweet pursuit of extended screen time and hijinks. The film is starting to be called a test to see if Julia, who has been raising a child and playing house for a while now, can still hold a box office ransom with her smile. Reviews so far are middling to favorable; I'm sure Mrs. Moder will do quite fine.

But our weekend meal doesn't stop there. Second course is a helping from a platter that's gotten very popular over the last few years--the guy's chick flick. The gick flick, if you will. Well, wait--just did a Google search, and apparently 'gick' is Irish slang for 'shit.' I guess we need a new name...how about Mangina Movie? Defining it now: a MANGINA MOVIE (man + vagina + movie) is a comedic chick flick made for guys. In short, it focuses on a male lead having female problems and overcoming them using both typical female and uncustomary male wiles. In long, it also usually has the crass humor and off-color set pieces that guys tend to enjoy in standard comedies coupled with a love story that guys and girls alike can appreciate. After watching once, men can re-watch mangina movies ad infinitum, claiming they "loved the jokes," when really, a little part of them blossoms into happiness every time they see their bumbling hero learn to love by credits' end.

40 Year Old Virgin is a mangina movie. Knocked Up is a mangina movie. So is Anchorman; so is Superbad...in fact, almost anything produced by Judd Apatow and/or featuring Paul Rudd = MANGINA MOVIE. (And though it doesn't fit this rule: Wedding Crashers? Full of mangina.) But they are all--every single one of them--fantastic. Utterly and almost unerringly lovable. That includes this week's plate #2: I Love You, Man (no, not produced by Apatow but yes, featuring Mr. Yaeger-né-Rudd).

Why she might want to see Duplicity: It's the British lover syndrome. A girl can but dream (and if she closes one eye, hey, maybe Clive is speaking just to her).

Why you might want to see I Love You, Man: Are you kidding? Paul Rudd finally getting a real chance to carry a comedy, and then there are fart jokes, and there's Lou Ferrigno, and there's a little dog, some guitar playing and a masturbation chair, plus Jon Favreau talking dirty to Jaime Pressley, not to mention the shrimp joke from the trailer, and the hot-dog eating and the male bonding, and the pet names and the, the, the...MANGINA.

Why you should both see both: I'll give you five reasons.
1. Who doesn't love a double-feature?
2. So you can both appreciate the term 'slapping the bass'
3. You've both wondered what became of that Mr. and Mrs. Smith sequel
4. Jason Segal & Tom Wilkinson, respectively
5. You were already seventeen once...so do you really want to see 17 Again?

Really, it isn't--and shouldn't be--a contest. There haven't been too many weekends (if any yet) this year that featured multiple, agreeable popcorn flicks that both sexes can enjoy. I'm excited to see Duplicity, and having already seen I Love You, Man, I can tell you that movie is FUNNY. So go. Run, I say. And start early: many theatres offer recession-friendly prices for first showings of the day, even on the weekends.

Now, if you're feeling really ambitious, I would encourage a look at that Zac Efron flick. It looks cute, he is cute, and the movie is family-friendly. But warning: I can't promise it's mangina-free.

Girl's Best Friend: The Comic Book Superhero

**This article also appears on RopeofSilicon.com.**

She's the perfect girlfriend. She's funny, smart, complicated in a good way, and she looks better in your t-shirts than you do. Don't let that girl get away; treat her right. If you know she likes resort vacations, get that job you just lost back, because you can't fly to Bali in your Camry. If you know she likes movies, well then, lucky you--your job is half done: Here is your one-stop guide to discovering the only one of your girl’s best friends you're allowed to watch, touch and secretly love (and your chance to admit to the inner girl in you).

Given the paragraph above, you should know that, if you're reading this, I already think highly of your girlfriend. And if I think highly of your girlfriend, then I'm automatically assuming she doesn't twitter away her days discussing nothing but the lighter side of Kate Hudson's film repertoire. A real girl likes real movies. Thus, if your girl really is so great as to deserve a movie date this weekend, she has probably already bought tickets to go see Watchmen. I don't say that because the reviews have been astounding (they haven't) or I've seen an advanced screening and pre-emptively approve it (I haven't); I say it because it's movie history, and any true lover of movies must be at least a little bit curious.

If the lady and you do have plans to see Watchmen, then...I can bet you already know a bit about it. If it's the lady herself who has requested the fanboy sojourn, however, you might do a bit of homework. Read about it here and there, and then ask yourself...what's the appeal? Is it the Historical Movie Moment Factor (TM), i.e., the fact that the most loved comic ever is hitting the big screen? Is it the 300-style, eye-popping graphics and special effects? Is it her not-so-secret Alan Moore obsession? Her slightly curious Billy Crudup obsession? Maybe. But it's also the curiosity wrought from seeing multiple masked women and men of mystery blow up the big screen. Ladies love the superhero.

Let me clarify: not all ladies love collecting material goods based on the superhero, repeatedly discussing the superhero, verbally admonishing the superhero, or in other ways treating the superhero as if he or she were a real person. But...ladies love the superhero.

That fantastically capable demi-god from comic book lore has gotten a lot of face-time recently. With The Dark Knight and Iron Man (and you can throw in the opening number with Hugh Jackman from last month's Academy Awards in lieu of the upcoming X-Men Origins: Wolverine), you might wonder what's left to see out there. Well, let's revisit recent comics-turned-movies that pump up the presence of the atypical superhero: the average guy wronged by life. In the event you want your weekend to go comic book-crazy, here are suggestions of a few adapted greats that any perfect girl would love to watch with you:

OLD BOY (2003)
Plot: After fifteen years in jail, a man embarks to avenge his wrongful imprisonment.
Pluses: He's not a superhero, but you do get to root for the underdog, watch some startling beat-downs, laugh, cry, cringe and be amazed for two full hours.
Minuses: "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone."
If she likes it, also consider: Sympathy for Lady Vengeance

GHOST WORLD (2001)
Plot: Two post-high school misfits pretend to befriend Steve Buscemi.
Pluses: Scarlett Johansson in one of a small number of roles in which she isn't attempting to break up a marriage.
Minuses: Few from my vantage point.
If she likes it, also consider: Napoleon Dynamite, who really could star in his own comic book.

AKIRA (1988)
Plot: A biker boy amped up by the government goes on a killing spree. Hijinks ensue.
Pluses: Oldie but a goodie. From start to finish, it's one blast of excitement after another.
Minuses: You might risk wetting your pants, which may threaten to wreck the mood.
If she likes it, also consider: Ghost in the Shell

AMERICAN SPLENDOR (2003)
Plot: The title says it, really. It's American life in all its splendid normalcy.
Pluses: Paul Giamatti plays our title character, Harvey Pekar, with splendor.
Minuses: It waxes a bit depressing (as does America).
If she likes it, also consider: Persepolis

PERSEPOLIS (2006)
Plot: Based on and drawn by the author of the graphic novels of the same name, this film tells the coming-of-age story of an Iranian girl during and after the Islamic Revolution.
Pluses: It's black and white hand animation, which looks really cool.
Minuses: Will remind you of the glaring fact you are not well-traveled, Bali aside.
If she likes it, also consider: Waltz with Bashir

SIN CITY (2005)
Plot: Basin City is a mess!
Pluses: Fabulously cast, stylistically slick, and with a kiss from Tarantino, visually compelling.
Minuses: Sets you up to expect a really cool sequel, which has yet to be delivered.
If she likes it, also consider: Not seeing The Spirit

X2: X-MEN UNITED (2003)
Plot: United they stand.
Pluses: Bryan Singer.
Minuses: X-men 3: The Last Stand
If she likes it, also consider: Watchmen!

There you have it, a small collection of comic books adapted to movies that are snuggle time-ready and girl-approved. Sure, a few are violent, but isn't life but A History of Violence? No matter your comic genre preference, do let me know if there are other flicks you would suggest!

If you manage to set the mood right via any of the films above, you might just go for broke and try to segue into a little Guitar Hero or Halo 3 to finish your evening. That is, if you didn't want to get any below the guitar action. Otherwise, put the lights down low and get ready to watch Neo-Tokyo explode.

Girl's Best Friend: A Post-Madea America

**This article also appears on RopeofSilicon.com.**

Weren't the Oscars grand? All that song and dance just made you feel like a kid again. Hugh Jackman's opening number also probably reminded you that you never saw The Reader. Well, let me save you the trouble: the film wasn't re-writing history. What you expected should happen at the end of the Nuremberg Trials is exactly what happens. Supwise! So it's officially time to move into the lighter fare of springtime. Whether your lady wants to see Jonas Brothers: the 3D Concert Experience or rent HSM3 (both are STELLAR options), let this be the one-stop guide to discovering The Chick Flick: your girl’s best friend (and the window to the inner girl in you).

The title of this week's post might be a bit misleading. I'm not writing much about Madea, despite the fact that she probably deserves to go to jail by now. What I will reflect on briefly, however, is the fact that, despite the huge success of Tyler Perry's admittedly puerile films, Hollywood is still systematically disconnected from awareness of the draw of the ethnic audience. Word on the street is that Perry is now making plans to take his franchise global. So we're no more in a post-Medea America than we are in a post-racial America, despite the fact that Barack Obama is king.

But separate from the Madea franchise, there is, historically, some great girl cinema with predominantly colored casts. What happened to the days of Waiting to Exhale (which hey, I didn't know at the time, was directed by Forest Whitaker) and What's Love Got to Do with It? And remember How Stella Got Her Groove Back? (A lot of sex with Taye Diggs, that's how!) Now, it's been re-made by Lifetime with Heather Locklear seducing a--supwise--young, white man (the delicious Robert Buckley), and it's called Flirting with Forty. I'm pretty sure it has aired every weekend since it's December release date. Apparently, a lot of women want to flirt once they're forty. But...come on, why the whitening treatment?

This all, in case you were wondering, is coming off the heels of my belated realisation that He's Just Not That Into Monogamy, my GBF from three weeks ago, boasted some starkly uni-color casting, give or take a couple gay men and chatty interview women. I kind of assumed the film was attempting to be representative of the spectrum of modern dating experiences in America...and perhaps I was giving it too much credit there...but having actually quite enjoyed the film, I now am left wondering: Where are the interracial relationships? Why no Blasian babies?

In revolt against this ever-expanding romcom norm, therefore, I'd like you and your lover to consider re-visiting some ethnically and culturally colored romantic classics of the recent past. Beyond the three I've listed above, please consider the following rentals:

VOLVER (2006)
Why I'm recommending it: Single, strong-willed, Spanish females.
What you'll say recommends it:
- Pedro Almodovar directed it.
- Penelope was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar for her role in this film.
- The entire female cast won the Best Actress award at the Cannes Film Festival.
- You don't watch enough films with subtitles these days.
What you might really be thinking: Penelope is hot.
What your girl might be thinking: Penelope is hot.

HITCH (2005)
Why I'm recommending it: Look at that; a bi-racial couple.
What you'll say recommends it:
- It's kind of the guy's version of He's Just Not That Into (Talking to) You
- #1 performing box-office romantic comedy of 2005.
- It's a Will Smith movie, and it can't be any worse than Wild, Wild West.
What you might really be thinking: Eva Mendes!
What your girl might be thinking: You could use some dating training.

LOVE & BASKETBALL (2000)
Why I'm recommending it: Sports + sex; what's not to love?
What you'll say recommends it:
- Sports + sex; what's not to love?
- It's better than Something New (sorry, Simon Baker), but it still has Sanaa Lathan.
What you might really be thinking: Window into the pro-basketball possibilities you failed to pursue early in life.
What your girl might be thinking: Yeah, right.

L'AUBERGE ESPAGNOLE (2002)
Why I'm recommending it: A stew of European young adults living the good life.
What you'll say recommends it:
- Cedric Klapisch is a phenomenal director. Romain Duris is a great actor.
- Audrey Tautou is in it. Remember her? From Amelie?
- Again, a +1 to your effort to enjoy reading subtitles.
- The entire film is a metaphor for the formation of the European Union, so it's almost like a history lesson. And it is, in fact, an apt look at European education, careers and the crooked path it takes to get through either.
What you might really be thinking: Audrey Tautou-la-la.
What your girl might be thinking: New summer plan: vacation to Barcelona!

IMAGINE ME & YOU (2005)
Why I'm recommending it: Lovely little lesbian love story (ack! over-kill on the alliteration...), despite the lack of an ethnically diverse cast.
What you'll say recommends it:
- 10th highest grossing rom-com of 2006, for what that's worth.
- Features Piper Parabo doing a fantastic British accent. Features Matthew Goode being a fantastic British man.
- It's not easy coming out...and there's something you've been meaning to tell her....
What you might really be thinking: Don't see nearly enough lesbians on the HDTV these days.
What your girl might be thinking: Yeah, right.

WHY DID I GET MARRIED?
Why I'm recommending it: Since Tyler Perry was my tipping point, thought I should offer something he did...and until the most recent Madea Goes to Jail, this was his best-performing film.
What you'll say recommends it:
- The only two rom-coms that outpaced it in 2007 were Knocked Up and Enchanted, and you already saw both of those (thus becoming, to this day, a lovable mix of McDreamy and Seth Rogen).
- Based on Tyler Perry's stage play of the same name. Love the theatre, but a DVD is easier to bring home with you.
- Addresses a very key relationship question.
What you might really be thinking: Hopefully will answer said question, for the sake of your future relationship(s).
What your girl might be thinking: Are you trying to tell her something?

You know what I notice? Quite simply, as evidenced by HJNTIY, many films before it, and even some of the choices I've listed above, most romantic comedies are more than a little "uni-colored." It is reflective of America, where most couples are still of the same demographic, be that racial, social, monetary, ethnic or religious. I live in a city, so I see more mixing around me, but let's face it--we're usually attracted to those that look like us. Romantic comedies display that. And except for movie stars like Will Smith or, I suppose, Simon Baker, who have managed to cross the color line, most audiences don't want to see mainstream mixing. Why hasn't that changed? Clearly, the need for Madea has not yet diminished.

Well, at any rate, should you pick one of these GBF's to watch this weekend, let me know your thoughts. And if you have other mainstream movies (or those of the wide-released-via-art house persuasion) that you feel have Will Smith'd the big screen, let me know. I'm curious.

Girl's Best Friend: A Case of V-Day

**This article also appears on RopeofSilicon.com.**

She loves you; she loves you not. Isn't that the silent inquiry of the month? That, and what can you do to MAKE her love you? Roofies are out--that's not love. So is a trip to The Cheesecake Factory--they don't take reservations. You actually can't make her do anything; but if your lady is eying you softly, consider a movie to break the ice. Keep in mind not any movie will do. This is V-Day. Surrender all dignity at the ticket booth on behalf of your maybe-love. And once you do, let this be the one-stop guide to satisfying your girl’s best Valentine's (and helping the inner Cupid in you).

Chocolates, roses, flowers, a private jet, a spa massage. Though they're old standards, in today's economic climate, it's probably difficult to think of treating your lady to all of these. Well, if you can't afford to take her shopping, you can always just take her to see this week's new chick flick, Confessions of a Shopaholic.

Why she might want to see it: A vicarious NYC shopping spree coupled with the chance to vicariously date someone more British than you.

Why you might not: You don't "speak Prada," nor do you plan on taking a class to learn how.

The silver lining: Two hours of your V-Day love treatment are already resolved! No antibiotics required.

Tips for the untrained:
- This flick stars Borat's girlfriend, the feisty redhead from Wedding Crashers, Isla Fisher. Here, she seems to be acting with similar levels of feist, which invariably implies there will be moments of real humor...and moments of slight annoyance. Just prepare yourself. Also keep in mind that she embodies many of the eccentricities ladies try to keep under wraps, so for the most part, we kind of like her.
- Is it just me, or is it easy to confuse Isla Fisher with Amy Adams? I think I've spotted an emerging difference: this time of year, Adams goes critically acclaimed, Isla goes commercial, both tend to shoot and score. So yes, they do both have red hair. But unless you want to get depressed by seeing Doubt again, maybe don't dwell on it.
- If you missed He's Just Not that Into You last week (I'm banking you were dying to see it), consider a femme-friendly double feature this weekend. Then consider learning the differences between Prada and Old Navy.
- Since it is Valentine's, explore the opportunities you have to work this movie into an overall V-Day theme. Gift certificate to her favorite store? Take her dancing? Get her a new, bright pink laptop? Teach her how to use Google? Whatever you do, don't buy her Prada. Because if she likes what you buy...and she probably will...you will be battling the recession much longer than you think.

Valentine's may be a chocolate-coated, Hallmark-constructed phenomenon, but it's allure for men is still there. Whatever you do, however small, will get you noticed. If you're panicking about V-Day, maybe you should wonder why. Are you projecting the panic of your relationship against a calendar? Don't. Times are tough, and it's the simple things that count. Pair a single red rose with movie tickets and add a bottle of champs for good measure, and you're already on your way back from being mediocre just weeks before. Cook her dinner at home, and you've both impressed/amused her and saved yourself the prix-fixe fare at any of your local, upscale eateries.

If you are courting a lady who likes her movies like she likes her men (action-packed and with popcorn), you do have some other options this weekend, such as The International starring Clive Owen. Recall Clive's hotness, however, before you schedule that date. Taken with Liam Neeson is still enjoying favorable buzz, but if fluttering love is the theme du jour, perhaps consider Two Lovers, the Gwyneth Paltrow/Joaquin Phoenix picture that flutters into limited release just in time for you to wonder why you only have one lover. Above all, keep it stress free, and have fun. Chick flicks may be her best friend, but I bet she's into you, too.

Girl's Best Friend: He's Just Not that Into You

**This article also appears on RopeofSilicon.com.**

The month of love has arrived. And with it comes the pressure to romance with style, woo with ease. But listen, don't let it overwhelm you. The magic of February is that you have a "get out of jail free" day: February 14th. That means you have thirteen days to screw up and then stylishly make up for it--or fourteen days to get it wrong after the fact and always refer back. No matter which scenario takes place, however, she will tell her friends about it, so getting it right more than once is in your favor. For the other weekends this month, then, here is the weekly, one-stop guide to your girl’s best friend (and the inner girl in you).

Did you even have to ask? If you know any girls at all, you know they've been talking about this week's movie since it first premiered in name only on an episode of "Sex and the City." He's Just Not that into You features more famous faces than you'd expect in an Oscar contender (but a fraction of the plot). It's the American Love Actually, and whether it's good or goosh, it's guaranteed to do gangbusters at the cinema.

Why she might want to see it: So she can figure out if you're just not that into her. It'll be like watching a magician reveal his secrets!

Why you might not: All the mystery of your nonchalant neglect exposed? By Ben Affleck and his "bros"? It seems unfair.

The silver lining: You'll no longer have to make excuses when you don't want to hang out. "Dinner with your parents? Can't make it, 'cause I'm just not that into it." She'll definitely, totally, always, completely understand and respect your decision.

Tips for the untrained:
- He's Just Not That Into You the film is based on He's Just Not That Into You the book, which for all intents and purposes is a self-help guide for all repeat rejectards who think "Don't call me," means "I'll call you." Want to learn a bit about the female dating psyche before you head to the cinema? Pick up the book at your local Borders or Barnes & Noble--that is, if they haven't gone out of business yet--and give it a look-see. Then cry, because what's in there doesn't just apply to women. Have you been rejected, too? Let it out. Only a small handful of shoppers will be listening.

- At 129 minutes, He Kinda Never Liked You runs a little long. It may be laughy, but it also might be torture. Prepare yourself for the latter by setting your cell phone on vibrate and putting a timer on for an hour. You don't want to be the boyfriend who keeps checking his watch, so slide that sucker in your pocket, on the side away from the lady. Timer rings, you're about halfway through. Not too bad, right?

- I don't really want to suggest a theme night for this movie. Something about the probable dissection of dating during the film makes me think that perhaps you should cut the night short. Dinner first, then the movie--no need for prolonged conversation after the fact. And no matter what you think of it, be wise about expressing those thoughts. It isn't worth revealing that you now realise you're a tool and have been emasculated. If she absolutely loved it, you thought it was "good." If she hated it, you thought it was "okay." And if she says she'll call you...don't hold your breath.

- As mentioned above, the cast of He Actually Was Trying to Pick Up Your Friend is a bit ridiculous. Jennifer Aniston, Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly, Kevin Connolly, Ben Affleck, Drew Barrymore, Justin Long...and Busy Phillips, Scarlett Johansson, Bradley Cooper. Did they owe someone a favor? Is this the result of a bet? Are Jennifer and Kevin Connolly related? Is "Ginnifer" really an acceptable spelling of "Jennifer"? All great questions. Most will likely go unanswered during this film, so if you're really curious, do your legwork. But according to an interview with producer Drew Barrymore, all the actors above committed to the work because of the message and the writing. That's right, the writing. Clearly, she's trying to sell it, but that should make you a wee bit hopeful for a a few nice laughs. You wouldn't figure Drew for a liar, right?

If for some reason He Was Drunk, It Was Late, What Do You Expect? is not anything like something your partner would want to watch, you do have some other options for romantic bonding. Pink Panther 2? Just kidding--Steve Martin is classic funny, but you can catch that on DVD.

The fantastically animated Coraline and the Yoda-loving Fanboys both hit the cineplex this weekend, as does Push, a fantasy action/adventure that hails the return of Dakota Fanning following "the awkward years." In fact, it's a good weekend for popcorn flicks, wouldn't you say? Between Doubt, Rev Road, The Reader and Frozen River, this Awards Season has been downright depressing. Here's hope that we'll all be at least a little bit into what's in store for spring.

Girl's Best Friend: NEW IN TOWN

Lie to her if you have to. Tell her you like her hair, her ass doesn't look fat in those jeans, her mother is aces, you're so excited about planning the wedding, yes, you prefer conversation to texting, no, her coworkers aren't as hot as her and you actually did get rid of your Playstation/porn collection/penchant for farting in public and/or laughing at old people. She will put on blinders and believe you, because she wants to. But after all that lying to save your ass, you better be ready to put in some time doing what she wants. How much time, you ask? At least 90 minutes per week. In preparation for all your little white lies, here is the weekly, one-stop guide to your girl’s best friend (and the inner girl in you).

We're finally about the exit January, the romantic movie vacuum! With a swift goodbye to the chill of Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, we get face-slapped with an influx of Valentine's Day box office fodder. For the next month, you better just put aside a movie allowance--because Renee Zellweger is back.

NEW IN TOWN
Why she might want to see it: Remember what I just said about January?

Why you might not: Remember what I just said about February?

The silver lining: You don't have to lie when you say you know the plot: Woman who is--wait for it--new in town, falls for someone who's gonna "show her the ropes." How ironic that she has to go to Minnesota in the winter to warm her frigid heart!!

Tips for the untrained:
- This film co-stars Harry Connick Jr., who was nominated (didn't win) for a Blockbuster Entertainment Award in 1999. True story, real award. But don't make jokes about the leading man in front of your leading lady--whether she finds him handsome or not, there is something alluring about a mid-west gentleman.
- Written by the same guy who wrote Sweet Home Alabama (C.Jay Cox), New in Town should offer the same caricatures of small-town life that made that movie memorable. If you're from Minnesota, start comparing what's true and false. If you're not from Minnesota, start making blanket presumptions about everyone from there. We may be in a so-called post-racial America, but social stereotypes are still A-OK, thank goodness.
- But cold weather isn't all bad--it gives you a reason to snuggle, a reason to stay indoors...and potential for another GBF-inspired theme night! So ya like Minnesota? Juno, Fargo and Miracle: That Hockey Movie all take place in that adorable little state. Start with Renee if you have to, but get thee to Blockbuster or Netflicks and make the most out of the weekend.

Honestly, I can barely think about this movie, because I just saw the trailer to The Propsal, which doesn't open until June and which actually looks hilarious. That's right--a good rom-com! Weird! But since The Propsal is not yet here but love is (trying to be) in the air, should your chica wish for some cinematic stimulation other than Harry Connick Jr. and/or your porn collection, you do have a few options.

Taken with Liam Neeson looks heisty and kind of exciting, should a quickening of the pulse be her speed; and if you LOVED middle school and awkward high school moments, check out Frenchie fest favorite, The Class (Entre les murs) which opens in limited release this week and will put any education you thought you suffered through to shame. All else fails...there is always Skinemax.

Girl's Best Friend: Worst Week Ever

They say 'sex sells.' Too bad "they" are too busy trying to sell in order to help you figure out how potentially get it. There are a few things that might increase your chances: (1) having a lovable, little dog with you while running on the beach; (2) owning a surfboard that is completely visible from your doorway despite that you live nowhere near a beach; (3) not talking about Grant Theft Auto for more than exactly three sentences. But if these things are all too hard, just try taking any average paramour with the desire to relax the brain and work other muscles out to the movie. For that endeavor, here is your weekly, one-stop guide to your girl’s best friend (and the inner girl in you).

Wait a second--where have all the chick flicks gone? This weekend's box office is nothing but fantasy, violence, and the awkward presence of mall cops as appropriate movie heroes. It looks like the girl's going to want to stay in this weekend. That could be nice...if you like dining with her parents, waiting on her friends, walking her dog or cleaning the house. You don't like these things. So what's the arm candy of a great girl with mediocre taste to do?

Get her to the movies.

If fantasy, violence or Vikings sound like options you can handle, here's how you might get her on board.

Your Options:
1. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
PLOT: Poor man's Lord of the Rings meets rich man's Twilight
THOUGHT: Probably some bad CGI, some cringing--but two hours of popcorn and vampires are still better than the girlfriend's friends.
ADVICE: Just call it 'Rise of the Lycans' when you talk about it. The 'Underworld colon' has trouble written all over it.
GET HER ON BOARD: Michael Sheen is in it! Yeah, that guy from Frost/Nixon. So who knows, it could be up for some awards. The title might be a reference to politics.

2. The Dark Knight [re-release]
PLOT: The caped crusader fights the richest criminal ever. Seriously, where did Joker get all those explosives?
THOUGHT: Um...best Batman movie ever?
ADVICE: Tell her it's the un-cut or un-rated version. Sure, it'll be exactly the same, but the damn thing is like three hours long. If she asks what scene got added, just mention 'that one in the middle when all those buses blew up.'
GET HER ON BOARD: Mention you're love for Heath Ledger and make it a theme night. You sit through A Knight's Tale with her, and she sits through the (un-cut, un-rated) Dark Knight with you. That is such an un-even trade, and it's in her favor, so how can she say no?

3. Inkheart
PLOT: Bridge to Terebithia meets The Spiderwick Chronicles meets Brendan Fraser sans mummies
THOUGHT: I don't know if you really want to see this?
ADVICE: If you do, the 'no mummies' is your selling point. Plus, if you missed those other two movies that are oddly similar to this one, you can kind of claim three birds, one stone.
GET HER ON BOARD: Doesn't she want to see some of Brendan's acting depth when mummies aren't around (but all the other stuff still is)?

4. Killshot
PLOT: A hitman movie with Mickey Rourke and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
THOUGHT: That sounds...pretty awesome.
ADVICE: It probably isn't awesome if it hasn't been marketed at all. But let's not say any of that.
GET HER ON BOARD: JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT. That should do the trick.

5. Outlander [limited]
PLOT: Vikings movie written by the same guy who wrote Underworld [colon] Rise of the Lycans...but this time, there are aliens.
THOUGHT: James Caviezel...you were in The Count of Monte Cristo...now you're in this.
GET HER ON BOARD: It's an historical love story (uh...but this time, there are aliens).

So, will you or won't you get to the movies this weekend? I'd like to hope you could complete this task--even if you don't really surf. Let me know how it goes.

GBF: My Bloody Valentine 3D

GIRL’S BEST FRIEND
…Because sex should only cost eleven dollars.

Your girl is gold. Planning date night, however, can often be shit. But sometimes in life, you have to rifle through shit to get to gold--just ask Mickey Rourke. Luckily, there's one thing you know for sure: your girl likes movies. Need a hand in making post-dinner plans? Here is the weekly, one-stop guide to your girl’s best friend (and the inner girl in you).

It's not very often that a movie about pretty people getting hacked up on Valentine's Day gets noticed. (It's also not very often that that movie gets released mid-January--what's that about?) But when you're a producer for a film such as this, you know you're going to wear a shit-eating grin all the way to the bank. It's the movie everyone will pan yet, for some reason, everyone (and their girlfriend) will see. For the record--I won't be seeing it. But just in case romantic slashers aren't that unappealing to you...and you already saw Paul Blart: Mall Cop...here's a slasher with a twist.

My Bloody Valentine
Why she might want to see it: Pretty people getting hacked up! Proves 'pretty' can't buy you everything. Not even life. (Plus, that hot, half-gay guy from "Dawson's Creek" is in it!)

Why you might not: Lunch was great, not ready to lose it.

The silver lining: THREE-DIMENSIONAL KILLING SPREE! Yeah, it means blood in your face, but it also means snuggle time with the girl as you shield her (or she shields you) from the spray...and she shields herself from your lunch.

Tips for the untrained:
- The director of My Bloody Valentine, Patrick Lussier, has become a recent horror staple with films like The Eye and Red Eye (and rumor has it he's in talks to direct the cult classic, "Pink Eye," and its lesser known sequel, "Stink Eye"). If you and your date both like horror: Lussier Night? Grab some candles and blood-red wine, stat.
- If you're on the side of those who want to see this film (you could be), and you need to convince your lover to desire the same, perhaps a look at the hot, still-kind-of-young stars in it might help. Some other "nights" to consider: Kerr Smith Night ("Justice" was cancelled before its time!); Jaime King Night (she was in White Chicks!); and naturally, Jenson Ackles Night ("Supernatural" is still on the air?).
- Or better yet, how about a classic horror movie night? Start with an historic winner like Psycho and move forward in time from there. Finish your weekend with My Bloody Valentine, bemoan the death of Kerr Smith (is it wrong I foresee that happening?), and pocket some free 3D glasses along the way.

Unfortch, this weekend's BO has trouble written all over it--you're looking at Hotel for Dogs on one end and Paul Blart (do you know what "blart" means??) on the other. But remember that rental night is not overrated! On a theme of V-Day Cometh One Month Early, you could shirk the cinema seats--as I might strongly suggest this week--for some sofa time. Vicky Cristina Barcelona, the Woody Allen-directed chick anthem of the year and winner of Best Musical or Comedy at the Golden Globes, has recently surfaced on DVD. Put that sucker in the player and you're basically initiating two hours of foreplay between you, your girl and Penelope Cruz. Just don't get angry if Javier Bardem tries to get in there, too.

Permalink to The Rope: coming soon.

Girl's Best Friend: Bride Wars

Run for cover!

Sex. Self-worth. The jealousy of others. Your parent’s disapproval. Again, the sex. However misled your intentions for getting your girlfriend, it’s obvious that, to keep her, you gotta spend some time with her--and not just in the sack. So here is the weekly, one-stop guide to your girl’s best friend (and the inner girl in you).

This week’s estrogen escape takes the cake: there are weddings, there are flowers, there is jewelry, spray tan, shopping—and that’s in the trailer alone! In short Bride Wars has it all. If you thought Kate Hudson couldn’t pick a romantic comedy better than How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, oh my friend, you thought wrong! And if you thought you wouldn’t have to see it…well, my friend…once again, negatory.

Despite the fact that there are some five movies opening wide this weekend—including one starring Clint Eastwood, the Gran Torino of cinema himself—the only film on your girl’s radar is Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson’s tour de femme. And she usually has much better taste. Well, where weddings are concerned, even the sanest of women get a little weird.

Why she might want to see it: Might? No, she definitely will. It features brides behaving badly! Sounds like a show on the Oxygen Network.

Why you might not: Sounds like a show on the Oxygen Network.

The silver lining: Most romantic comedies clock in at under two hours.

Tips for the untrained:
- The script was co-written by new SNL regular, Casey Wilson (i.e., Dusty the paralyzed stripper). Makes one think there will be more than a few good jokes in there. Play a game with yourself, and try to figure out which one-liners are all hers.
- Another saving grace for your boredom/agony may come in the co-stars. Candice Bergen of “Boston Legal” co-stars as the wedding planner, and like Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, she’s bound to steal a scene or two (or three or four). Plus Bryan Greenberg and Chris Pratt, who play the two lucky grooms-to-be, are likely to accurately portray your personal disconnect from the feuding brides, so stick with them.
- Much like an episode of “Bad Girls Club” (real show), Bride Wars will teach us exactly how we shouldn’t act. So don’t worry: your girlfriend watching brides behaving badly won’t turn her into a badly behaving bride. In fact, you haven’t even had that conversation, have you? Nor do you want to? Only in it for the sex, you say? Oh, dear. Take her to see something else.
- All else fails, wear a hoodie and bring headphones. But in general, be gentle with her feelings after a movie about weddings. We don’t like to admit it, but we can be oddly sensitive about the subject. So play nice, or you might end up with VIP tickets to the Bride Wars sequel, DTR Woes. Starring you.

Should you prefer to keep yourself and your lady out of the reign of taffeta at this weekend’s box office, I do recommend you two go see Gran Torino. It’s not a light movie; it’s a thinker, but you’ll both come out of it with a lot of conversation. First question: do your parents really hate her? Or is it just ‘cause she’s Asian?

Let me know what fights you get into this weekend. Hopefully, it won’t be anything next week’s movie can’t fix!

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GBF: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

GIRL’S BEST FRIEND
…Because sex should only cost eleven dollars.
BY: Amy J. Aniobi

Trust me: diamonds are not a girl’s best friend. Chick flicks are. Because when she dumps you and throws those diamonds in your face, she will sidle up to her Haagen Dazs and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days so fast, you’ll get whiplash watching. If you want to be her lover, as The Spice Girls say, you gotta get with her friends. So here is the weekly, one-stop guide to your girl’s best friend (and the inner girl in you).

It starts so simply. You nonchalantly ask, “Want to see a movie?” right before looking up Daniel Craig’s Defiance and realizing it isn’t opening anywhere near you. Now you’ve done it. She had been planning to catch up on “Top Chef” re-runs (which you love), but that’s all over. You have two options now: you can either try to convince her to road trip out of state for James Bond, or you can just suck it up and see something else.

Your options post-holidays are slim, and if you’ve been reading around, you already know Seven Pounds is looking lackluster, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is super-duper long and Marley and Me--well, you already saw Marley and Me. Day after Christmas. At the mall. Parking was not easy. With your two remaining choices, then—no offense at all to the curious case of Mr. Smith in an anti-blockbuster, but I’d advise you to go for the epic. That Ben Button is better than you think.

Why she might want to see it: Brad Pitt aging backwards? All the way back to circa-Legends of the Fall? Done. // Why you might not: You can’t compete with that. // The silver lining: For starters, this movie is getting a lot of awards buzz, and the story is pretty unique. Cate Blanchett might not be your usual shower time crush, but the chemistry she has with Pitt on screen just might make you feel something—in your heart at least.

Tips for the untrained:
- Buckle down for the almost three hours this movie will steal from you in advance. No drinks an hour before the film. Nothing ruins the movie mood like multiple trips to the loo.
- Benjamin Button was directed by David Fincher, the same genius behind Se7en and Fight Club, both of which also star Brad Pitt. This current installment in his oeuvre might not be as psychologically thrilling, but you can bet the visuals will draw you in—Fincher’s good with that.
- The film takes place in Louisiana, and the story is told mostly through flashback. Since it spans decades, you’ll get a nice American history lesson, but without homework and with snacks—if you manage to smuggle some into the theatre. The girlfriend’s purse is the perfect means to this end.
- Don’t sigh in exasperation every time Brad Pitt or Cate Blanchett shows up on screen looking absolutely flawless. It’s all make-up and CGI and good lighting. Post-movie, you and the girlfriend can play with the lighting at home—set some candles, pop a cork and talk about the history of the film, the visual storytelling…might be a good time to mention if you want a motorcycle just like Brad’s. But I didn’t tell you that.
There’s a (slim) chance your girlfriend’s love of Will Smith will outweigh her Brad Pitt curiosity (is he as virile as Troy and Angelina both make him look?), and if that’s the case, just don’t be fooled: Will Smith is in Seven Pounds, but it’s not really a “Will Smith movie.” Nothing’s blowing up; no fat men are dancing; no aliens; no Charlize Theron. Blame the economy. Serious times call for serious actors. Now, if neither Brad nor Will is up her alley—first, thank your lucky stars, and then suggest a rental. For fun for everyone, I’d say Eagle Eye, which hasn’t been out too long, or Top Chef: Season 1, because you know you love it.

Good luck! Let me know how date night goes. I’ll be at home with my soy ice cream this weekend…but feel free to bring me diamonds.


Permalink to The Rope: http://www.ropeofsilicon.com/article/girls-best-friend-the-curious-case-of-benjamin-button

letop5 introduces: Girl's Best Friend & Overlooked Greatness

I've just started writing for a great film website called Rope of Silicon, and I'm set to have two recurring editorials--v.exciting. I'll also try to post them here consistently.

The first is called "Girl's Best Friend," within which I'll discuss the chick flick that all the girly-girls and girly-guys just gotta go see each week. If you know me, you know I hate chick flicks. So it's ironic. (Or is it, Alanis?)

The second article is called "Overlooked Greatness," and focuses on the slew of films in my memory bank that I've seen and love, yet which always, when brought up in discussion, receive blank stares from others. What do you mean you've never seen BOTTLE ROCKET? I will teach you.

So hooray, new moves for '09. Let's hope we don't forget our deadlines.