two months worth of fire city rentals

Here comes the rainstorm.

Back in March, Turner Classic Movies was running a special on--get this--classic movies. This time, the special was focused: it was for the few, the proud, the Oscar-nominated. I missed most of the specials, but I managed to catch the last fourth of THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY, as well as the entire cut of THE AFRICAN QUEEN, starring Humphrey Bogart in a less-than-luxurious role and Katharine Hepburn at perhaps her most prude and uppity. She's a British missionary, he's a Canadian alcoholic, it's the middle of World War II and they team up to rush the African bush and sink the Louisa, a German vessel. Bogart won the Academy Award--and a handle of rum.

THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951)
plot: Missionary on a wild streak.
thought: Mid-century sexual innuendos abound!
in five: 3/5
sail away

Next up, decided to catch a Christmas movie that had mildly interested me the first time it came around. I missed it, because it was in theatres for all of two minutes, which should have tipped me off. Though it co-stars Sarah Jessica Parker and Luke Wilson, neither of these facts really recommend it to me. But I don't blame the movie (completely). It's a holiday film AND a romantic comedy! They're just not my genres.

THE FAMILY STONE (2005)
plot: Lame girlfriend visits the family.
thought: I prefer holidays chez moi.
in five: 1.5/5
family time

Next, grabbed some friends together to see an original sci-fi thriller. Now, I thought I had already seen ALIEN. And parts of it looked familiar, but I think I might have been confusing it with the sequels. Just not sure, really. Luckily, I saw it now--and it was awesome.

ALIEN (1979)
plot: Watch out, alien on board.
thought: It will suck you up.
in five: 4.5/5
abandon ship!

I consider myself a fan of the Coen Bros., even though I haven't seen all their films. Still haven't seen FARGO. And I know--that's bad--but I'm going to see it eventually; I will. Until then, I'll content myself with Billy Bob Thornton and his black-and-white fight against the fetters of society. If the score doesn't get you, the subtle story twists will.

THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE (2001)
plot: Disenchanted barber makes unfortunate choices.
thought: Were 1940s actually like this?
in five: 3.5/5
read it and watch it

A departure from the serious--I think I've found my new favorite guilty pleasure. Not only does Chris Rock play the part of about five different supporting characters, but Wanda Sykes steals the show as the title character's girlfriend, Biggie Shorty. The film is unabashedly ridiculous and invents its own language (Sepatown!). I'm not under any pretenses that POOTIE TANG is going to be memorable to anyone outside of a small circle of my friends, but frankly, I don't care.

POOTIE TANG (2001)
plot: Sa da tay! Kapa-chow!
thought: Watch this, ya greezy basterd.
in five: 4/5
quote it, too

Huge Tina Fey fan--and I wouldn't kick Amy Poehler out the house for tracking in dirt--so was excited to see them costar in the upcoming comedy. It wasn't as hilarious as I'd have liked, but both of them are comedy idols in my opinion, so whatever, they ruled it well enough. I think the reason why it wasn't as well received as, say, Fey's impressions of Sarah Palin, is because it was a softer comedy. It was an unconventional romantic comedy, but it was still a romantic comedy. Oh wait, doesn't that mean I should have hated it? Well...I didn't HATE-hate it....

BABY MAMA (2008)
plot: Single lady's baby clock goes tick-tock.
thought: Adoption is always an option.
in five: 3/5
bring baby home

Back to the dark side for a Sundance so-called favorite that I was hearing mixed things about. Well, I liked BLINDNESS. Based on the 1995 Portuguese novel by Jose Saramago, the film is dark and explored something people don't like to consider--that is, it looked at what animals we all can be when put in animalistic circumstances. Left with the lawless, forgotten, frightened and confused? My advice is this: lock your doors, watch your crotch, and hide your food.

BLINDNESS (2008)
plot: All society suddenly goes blind.
thought: ...then caca hits the fan.
in five: 3.5/5
watch and go blind!

Love Michel Gondry, so it was only natural that I'd want to catch his latest and greatest. I know the jury was split on THE SCIENCE OF SLEEP (which personally, I enjoyed immensely the first time and a little less the second), but such is the fantastic, artistic nature of Gondry's films. It's not about "good" or "bad"--they're art. All art is art, tout court. And dammit if the term "sweded" isn't clever.

BE KIND REWIND (2008)
plot: DVD kills the video store.
thought: Then comes Netflix, On-demand & Blu-Ray!
in five: 4/5
get sweded

After hearing all the noise about Prop 8, I've striven to educate myself more about gay rights. I took this quiz online (through Project Implicit) that said I was "somewhat accepting" about gay people, and I was kind of ashamed. I voted no on Prop 8 like any smart person with a heart would, but I'm not content feeling anything less than completely accepting about everyone who walks life a little differently than I do. "Tolerant" isn't the right word--tolerant means you bite your tongue. Accepting means you open your arms.

Maybe it's dumb, but that's part of why I watched PUCCINI FOR BEGINNERS. That isn't to say I watched the film and went, "Oh wow, now I know what it is to be a lesbian. Check that box--I accept." No. Duh. But five years ago, I would have read about a movie about a lesbian romance and thought something like, "What a funny story; that doesn't really exist, does it?" So like Lindsay Lohan's character in MEAN GIRLS, I'm sucking the minimal amounts of poison out, one gay-themed movie at a time, I guess.

PUCCINNI FOR BEGINNERS (2006)
plot: Pretentious lesbian reconfirms her lesbianism.
thought: "Puccini" in the title = yawn.
in five: 2.5/5
listen in

So I didn't like the movie much, but let's face it--it was a bit of a romantic comedy. It also had that high-brow "I'm from the upper [insert direction] side" New Yorker humor that tends to attract an eye roll from me. So haha, wasn't the best.

There were more rentals from the last few months--but I'll cover those in a future post. Aaaaah, this took forever to write. I've lost my touch. But it's official. I'm back.