Absolutely ridiculous, I don't paint.

5 REASONS WHY IRON MAN IS THE BEST SUPERHERO MOVIE OF THE YEAR, NAY, THE DECADE:

1. Impeccable casting. Unlike ALL THREE SPIDERMAN MOVIES (Kirstin Dunst, you fraud!), this film nails it. From the sensational Robert Downey Jr., to Gwenyth Paltrow in her first blockbuster role since AUSTIN POWERS, to the over-the-top but actually kinda spot-on villain, Jeff Bridges, to the slightly useless but subtly humorous Terrance Howard, no role feels wrong. I'm even giving Clark Gregg a shout (Go SHIELD; you earned it).

2. Superior directing. Jon Favreau, WIMBLEDON was great...and so was ELF...and the even lesser known ZATHURA: A SPACE ADVENTURE...I'm being sarcastic. Congrats, this film will forever be your new calling card. It was funny where it needed to be, never heavy-handed and action-packed 'til the very end. And there was no f'ing Toby Maguire trying to sexy dance. Ugh. Get ready for the Jay Abrams big bucks, Fav, you're a member of the club. (And for the record, you're taking Brett Ratner's spot. X-MEN: THE LAST STAND, we're so over you.)

3. The dialogue is worth repeating, and the plot remains in tact throughout. There are a lot of good one-liners--probably more than a bit of ad-lib from RDJr, but if there's anyone who can run with it, he can. Did anyone see KISS, KISS, BANG, BANG? No? Well, you should have. And unlike superhero movies where plot holes are covered by a series of explosions (and/or dance numbers...) this movie gave adequate exposition without a two-hour long sequence in Siberia during which our hero hones his craft (yes, I slept through that, Christian Bale). You still have the back story, and as someone who didn't even know what or who Iorn Man was before seeing this movie, I jumped on board the plot (give or take a few errors in physics) very easily. The pace was steady, the humor consistent, all that. And in my opinion, that's how an action movie should unroll (PIRATES 3, I'm talking to you).

4. We root for the underdog. Not only is IRON MAN, like BATMAN, an unconventional superhero (i.e., he wasn't born on another planet or with birth mutations or bitten by something hairy), but his story is the fabulous stuff of fairy tale. Super rich super genius gets a heart and wants to save the world. Awwww. It's a pleasure to watch how a normal man (moulah and MENSA-status aside) begins leading a fantastic life (more fantastic than sleeping with super models every night?) and through that process, becomes more normal to us all. I like that he's smart. That's the bottom line. I'll root for the nerd, even if his movie is weighed down by constant product-placement.

5. The numbers don't lie. Just $10 million short of SPIDERMAN's opening ($104 as compared to the webbed private dancer's $114) on a standard three-day weekend, IRON MAN is making history. It's the second-biggest non-sequel opening ever, and the eighth-biggest three-day debut of all time. Eat that, skeptics. And then go see that. You will not be disappointed. Unless you're just a Debbie Downer who hates having a fantastic good time at the cinema. But I guess there's a superhero movie for you, too. It's called SUPERHERO MOVIE.

one more time for the kids: http://ironmanmovie.marvel.com/