MARLEY AND ME

Don't look at me funny; I was curious, ok?

MARLEY AND ME has done much better at the box office than anyone predicted, which intrigued me (though in retrospect, I'm not sure why--dog movies always surprisingly prosper). Plus, the two human co-stars, Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson, are both underdogs in their own right: Aniston cast aside for the hotter woman; Wilson the tragic, suicidal comic. I wanted to support them. It had nothing to do with the dog.

If you know me, you know I'm not a "dog person." I'm not much of a "pet person." Forsooth, I think I have bonding issues with all living creatures that require me to clean up after them. Don't tell my parents, because eventually, I might have to shoulder that responsibility where they're concerned. Maybe then I'll learn the error of my ways. Maybe then I'll get a dog. Or get them a dog. I've always thought that I *could* love a dog--or a cat, even--if it were mine. One of those, "I hate everyone else's snot-nosed kids, but I'd love my own" kind of things. I think that could be me. Though the way I reacted to MARLEY AND ME, I'm wondering if I have a heart.

The movie is just what I thought it was: a mostly family-friendly romantic comedy--the romance being between a man, his clan and his dog. Awww. And this dog (never trained) has a penchant for annoying but lovable behavior. From start to finish, everyone in the theatre was oooh-ing, aww-ing and subsequently bawling every time that Labrador puppy lifted its mischievous little head. My big question: why did the owners never train their dog? They do try when the dog is no longer a puppy, but even I know--and I've never owned a dog--that your best bet for fully training one, especially a Labrador, is when it's still a puppy. Therefore, though the story was executed rather well (the passage of life on the big screen, watching this big family grow, Eric Dane being his McSteamy self), I wasn't quite invested in all the emotional upheaval. And I'm a crier. But I shed about a tear and a half all MARLEY AND ME-long. (Don't tell that to the woman I heard sobbing in the restroom after the flick concluded.)

There's a scene where Owen Wilson's character, John Grogan, reads a book on the beach, one of those "What to Expect in the First Year," books. Problem is, he's reading it after his first child is born. Simultaneous problem solving works in panic situations, say car accidents, zombie attacks. But if you know the threat is arriving, why not do yourself a favor and pack a little duct tape in advance? Since in my mind, a dog is like a kid that never grows up, I also think maybe the Grogan clan should have gotten a few books on dog-rearing before they decided to have one. Their negligence kind of separated me from their "lovable" strife, because they weren't fit parents! Awww, your baby just ate part of the couch. Awww, your baby just climbed out the car window while the car was moving. Awwwww!

Um, no.

Sure, the dog loved them anyway--and maybe more for it--but some of the things they did or allowed this dog to do were completely careless. Forgive me for being so harsh. Now, I do realise, had John Grogan done the proper self-training and dog-proofing, his memoir and this subsequent movie may never have seen the light of day. So I guess kudos to him for knowing when to say "no" to knowledge about proper dog training. He was a crappy columnist before Marley...and now he's Owen Wilson! A tragic comic. That's at least a diagonal step upward.

plot: Spunky dog unites a family.
thought: Why I don't own dogs.
in five: 3/5

heel: http://marleyandmemovie.com/